From a father's daughter

By Ayesha Ahmed

 The last time I met him was seven years ago. He kept fumbling with the electronic tasbeeh in his hands and looked very vigilant of his surroundings. I could not understand why until his wife approached us and lipped, ‘You need not talk in such quiet hushed tones; I’m sure you guys have much better things to discuss, than me.’ 

  

I wanted to hug him, kiss him, take a stroll with him, demand for candies, do all those things which we used to indulge in back when I was a seven-year-old kid, but his indifference left me shattered.

Stress and perpetual fights between my parents had led to my father walking out when I was just an eight-year-old adolescent and the next time I met him was 10 years later, when I was 18. He said he still had recollections of the day he left us (my mom and me) … how I had kept waving at him excitedly thinking I would get to see him again as soon as he would get done with his assignment overseas. He blamed fate and claimed it had something else in store for us. Therefore, he decided to start a new family in a new country, because he just couldn’t cope with the existing one anyway.

I don’t think I can ever bring myself to comprehend the mindset of a man who finds it perfectly fine to accuse fate for keeping his only child then deprived of a parent. My only hope is that he did it because he saw himself failing as a father and might have thought I would be better off without him.

Never did a day go by when my mother wouldn’t make me count my father’s despicable traits and tell me about his maliciousness; how he was never there when I was born, how he unconcernedly left for his job slipping a five-hundred rupee note in her hands to deal with the childbirth expenses; how she had to struggle with the in-laws to enrol me in one of the leading schools of the city of those times, how my maternal grandparents would spend on me instead of my father, as his hard earned cash would religiously be transferred to his elder brother’s bank account.

But I always tuned a deaf ear to her wailings because I liked being my daddy’s girl. I stuck up for him, defended him and treasured every phone call he made, even if it would be once in a month. After all, what can you expect from a child who has to bear the brunt of adult confidences! But tell you what … it had more to do with my age.

There exists a fine line between growing old and growing up. And I am a staunch believer of the fact that you can’t grow up until you can acknowledge and deal with your parents’ strengths and flaws.

Today, at 25, I have gone full circle from idolising my father to being outraged at the way he abandoned us to a mature acceptance of the entire episode.

There will, however, always be a void because I don’t think I can ever relate to how it feels to have your father’s protection and support, to see him telling you how proud he feels of you when you have graduated and to be exhilarated on you receiving your first pay check. But oh well, c’est la vie (such is life).

Now I’m frantically looking forward to my wedding month because he has promised to be there with me on my big day. I can already foresee that that meeting will be our last one, but I have always treasured our time together and now that there is so little of it left, I cannot stop fantasising and conjuring up those moments of togetherness.

  

Happy Father’s Day, Abbu! I know you don’t believe in this but I couldn’t care less. I have always loved you and will do it till my last breath, whether we are physically together or not!

Love, your eldest daughter.

 The original article appeared here 

From dating to courtship: The musings of a newly-engaged

By Ayesha Ahmed

With so many single, aging women in our surroundings, lately, and the increasing number of young, potential prospects changing their status to ‘committed’ by the day, any lady, who is newly engaged/married, is bound to feel like she is among the angels. 

And, trust me, she certainly deserves to feel so –cue, talk to some of the single women in your circle about their rishta ordeals to know the reason behind this shallow verdict.

Regardless of how much we deny, the fact prevails that our culture has always disliked women who are not supported by men; first it is our fathers and brothers and as soon as we hit the twenties, the so-called prince charming is consigned our fate. 

And if a girl has the audacity to stay single, piercing comments like Haan bhaie koi lerka werka dhoondha kay nahi (So, did you manage to find yourself a catch as yet or not) and/or shadi ker lo iss se pehle k umr nikul jaye (get hitched before you cross that particular age) are incessantly hurled at the poor soul.

So, if a girl, especially in a patriarchal society, finds herself a partner before she turns thirty, she definitely should consider herself lucky (and luckier if that happens by the time she reaches her mid or early twenties). 

However, little do we know about the feelings of the being who ‘we think’ is on cloud nine, is usually all decked up, is almost always under the spotlight and is looked upon with envy by most of her unmarried friends, peers and relatives alike.

Listed below are a few tormenting situations that an apparently blessed maiden has to experience, as quoted by a newly engaged:

First and foremost, if you ever thought that impressing your immediate in-laws would suffice, then you are, sadly, in for a big disappointment! It is substantial that you ‘act’ in a certain way, think (thousand times) before you speak (no, staying quiet isn’t an option) and do things that make a positive impact, not only on your man’s parents and siblings, but also on his grandparents, aunts, uncles and the infinite number of cousins. So, besides giving frequent cheesy grins, you will have to ensure that you keep exchanging kisses/hugs, pass fake compliments and be inviting enough for the adolescent girls to mingle with you and talk about their preposterous teenage issues, which you were glad to have left behind.

Having mixed feelings about what your demigod’s family thinks of you? Dying to deduce if you were able enough to meet their expectations? Log into Facebook the moment you leave the party at your in-laws. Find your account bombarded with friend’s requests that all have your fiancé as a mutual friend? Brava! You have qualified being the ideal candidate for the slot with countless contenders. In this era of technology, social media has taken the world by storm and be it a 70-year-old father-in-law or a 9-year-old cousin-in-law, anybody and everybody is on Facebook. So, now that you have portrayed yourself as an uber sweet lady, there is no other option but to confirm all those friend requests, whether you like them or not or you have met them in person or not. 
P.S. Nothing would be more offending than keeping your account private.

Despite living in the 21^st century, there still exist a great number of families who believe their honour lies in making their offspring do medicine, engineering or law. And children usually oblige; so what if a girl, decides to sit at home idle, beautifying herself, after studying medicine! Her folks would popularise her as a doctor, nonetheless. 
However, if you, unfortunately, belong to the lot of those deviants who pursued a career within the field of liberal arts, and not pure sciences, then be prepared to have ridiculous questions thrust in your face all the time. For instance, “Mass communication? woh kya hota hai? Something related to telephones?” 
“Oh, so you studied Mass Communication because you wanted to read news on TV?” As if! So, in order to prove your mettle, being a Social Sciences/Arts graduate, get employed in a well-known organisation. Trust me, your in-laws will never stop bragging about where their bahu works!

Every woman has her own unique approach, in terms of fashion and style. Some like keeping their hair short and adorning themselves with dainty, silver jewelries while others love stuffing their wardrobe with everything pink, orange and green. 
Dismally, once you get engaged/married, you have to let go of your fashion sense, which your friends/peers thought was exquisite, and follow trends your mother-in-law/sister-in-law/husband fancies. 
Abhor those neon-colored, chiffon joras with a lot of intricate embroideries, sequins, chamak dhamak and what not on them? Too bad, because you can’t wear anything but only that on the first day of Eid! 
Never has a day gone when you haven’t straightened your hair to flaunt those funky bangs? Sigh, you need not do that anymore because it’s important that your entire face, along with that huge alien-like forehead you have always detested, is visible to your audience.

But dear committed ladies, don’t lose your heart just yet because good relationships, especially like marriage, have a lot more to them than these petty, nitty-gritties, not to mention those resplendent presents you will get on every other random occasion. 
All things considered, no one can put it more succinctly than Nicholas Sparks: “So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” 

The edited version appeared here.

Valentine's Day: A time to express love or make money?

By Ayesha Ahmed & Sarah. B. Haider

Love is in the air! While an estimated growing majority deems Valentine’s Day the most romantic day of the year, others dismiss it as a commercial bonanza. Nevertheless, the fact remains that many noted companies employ innovative methods and strategies to bolster up sales and increase the marketing of their products.

How it came to Pakistan

Although the exact significance and history is vague, the origin of this day dates back to the Christian saint, St. Valentine’s, who gave up his life in the name of religion and love. Since then, the world has been commemorating the tradition of courtly love.

Europeans first began celebrating Valentine’s Day during the 14th and the 15th Century, while it became popular in the US in the 19th and 20th Century. The idea was eventually introduced in India in the 90s. Since Pakistan has a huge viewership of Indian TV channels, the concept of Valentine’s Day also crept into Pakistan.

Mixed feelings

“This year, we decided not to contribute anything for Valentine’s Day as the owner has joined a religious party,” acknowledges Rehmatullah, an aged salesman working at an uptown gift shop at Dollmen Mall. He admits last year when they stocked according to the occasion their sales increased fourfold.

“Do westerners ever bother to celebrate Eid? Then, why should we celebrate Valentine’s Day with so much fervour and zeal?” grumbles a grey-bearded salesman, working at a renowned gift shop which has denounced such celebrations this year.

Quite a few numbers of billboards and banners can be seen around the city, condemning Valentine’s Day.

Despite a large number who are against the adoption of this “alien culture”, Cupid’s arrow finds its way to the hearts of countless young urban people. According to the 55-year-old shopkeeper, Rehmatullah, young people, usually between the ages of 16 – 25, invest the most on Valentine’s gifts. On the other hand, men, on an average, spend twice as much as their female counterparts.

Business boom

Retailers who make the most of this occasion, in terms of sales, include restaurants, clothing outlets, gift stores, bakeries, beauty salons, cosmetic brands, accessories and florists.

“People were least bothered about Valentine’s Day some years back. However, thanks to the media, celebrating Valentine’s Day has become all the rage these days. We get special orders for heart-shaped cakes, strawberry cupcakes, candles and balloons. Like every year, we expect about 25 – 30% increase in our sales this Valentine’s as well,” says Saqib Khan, manager of a bakery.

Similarly, owing to the principle of demand and supply, restaurants have also arranged for special packages, exclusively for lovebirds.

Manager Regent Plaza Ghulam Abbas says: “Besides buffet dinners, we have gone an extra mile this time by including a dance floor in our special Valentines’s Day package.”

Upon asking the reason behind such lavish preparations, Ghulam Abbas informed that they had received an overwhelming number of requests and suggestions from clients regarding Valentines’ Day celebrations.

Additionally, to make this day all-inclusive and extraordinary, clothing lines don’t want to lag behind either. While some eminent brands like Crossroads have offered 50% discount on their entire stock in the celebration of Valentine’s Day, Ego, Gulabo and Threads & Motifs, to name a few well-liked labels, have also launched their Valentine’s Day special collections.

Likewise, accessories, cosmetic brands and beauty salons are also following suit. While expensive brands of fashion watches and cosmetics are offering funky pouches, plush bears and gaudy, oversized key chains, on a certain amount of purchase, beauty parlours have introduced Valentine’s Day special packages.

“Our special packages offer a variety of services at discounted prices. We want our esteemed clients to share them with the most special person in their lives- their beloved mothers,” says Cynthia, manager at a renowned beauty salon, Sab’s.

A rose for Rs200

Traditionally, exchanging flowers has always been the norm on Valentine’s Day, and both the local and the branded florists are seemingly benefitting from it.

While small-scale florists are selling a single stem of English rose for Rs50, florists in elite areas are selling it for Rs200. “Roses are everyone’s favourite on Valentine’s Day. We especially import English roses from Kenya during this season,” says Ghaffar, manager at a flower shop in Zamzama.

“Orders for roses start to pick up by walk-ins, via the telephone, and online, but most people prefer to handpick their bouquets,” says a salesman at an upscale flower shop.

Sale of Valentine’s Day cards has also pushed up to a considerable extent. “Though the trend of exchanging cards has noticeably decreased over the years, Valentine’s Day is one particular occasion when card sales experience a significant boom,” says a shopkeeper, who along with his counterparts has occupied the entire floor of a shopping mall in Saddar, with stalls selling Valentine’s Day presents and cards.

The original report was published here.

What's with fairness?

By Ayesha Ahmed & Sarah B. Haider

The liaison of Pakistani woman and a flawlessly fair complexion is nothing new and shouldn't come as a surprise to any of us. Time and again, we have read innumerable news stories, blogs and articles discussing our women having a fetish withgora rung and how it is imperative for the kind of society we are raised in. 

While some women are naturally gifted with a fair skin, others resort to artificial means for that perfect complexion. However, in a country like Pakistan, the yearning for light skin has more to it than a mere wish -it has become a psychological problem for womenfolk. From cheap whitening creams and facials to the most expensive skin-lightening treatments, Pakistani women are ready to go to any length to get rid of their natural skin tone.

There are many underlying factors which have led to this frenzy of obtaining a fair skin, the foremost being the stigma surrounding dark complexioned women. Hundreds of girls, despite having symmetrical faces, good figures and impressive personalities, are considered 'unfit' for marriage solely because Pakistani men deem girls with fair complexions compatible. So, women are compelled to try every feasible method to get married.

Owing to the principle of demand and supply, fairness cream manufacturers flood the markets with different varieties of quick-fix remedies that work overnight but take their toll on the skin, in the long run. This particularly pertains to creams that are easily affordable and accessible.

In the ceaseless rat race of getting the 'white' skin colour, women keep experimenting with various creams and lotions to reduce the melanin content of their skin. And one such addition in their list of solutions is the magical 'formula cream'. Invented by some self-styled beauticians, a decade back, this concoction promises to transform any dark skinned plain Jane into a fair complexioned beauty queen.

Being sold like hot cakes off the beauty parlour shelves, this popular formula cream is an amalgamation of four different creams -a renowned bleach cream, a well-liked fairness cream, a so-called pearl cream and a famous ointment (used for treating skin irritation). The cream is applied overnight and upon daily applications, for almost two weeks, astoundingly 'good' results are procured. Many girls have testified that the mixture is incredible and the best part about it is that all the ingredients of the cream are available without causing a dent in their wallets. Though the formula cream facilitates women in achieving their dream complexion, most women are entirely oblivious to the repercussions of this 'unbelievable mixture'.

Dr Rabia Shafiq, a dental surgeon by profession, has been using this formula cream for the past four years. "Earlier, my skin colour was dull, but ever since I started applying the mixture, my skin started glowing, and within a month I accomplished the fair complexion that I had always longed for." However, Dr Rabia complains that though the cream gave her the desired skin colour, within no time, there was a considerable increase in her facial hair growth. Also, regular usage of the cream worsened the condition of her acne-prone skin, especially during summer.

Even though, a doctor herself, Rabia never bothered to consult a dermatologist prior to using the cream. "I knew that one of the constituents of the formula cream contains steroids which would play havoc with the inner layers of my skin. But I am happy with the way my skin colour has changed. However, I will have to continue using it forever, because as soon as I discontinue, the dullness comes back within a week."

Rabia's condition was nothing compared to Hira's (name has been changed), a civil engineer by profession. She also belongs to the same lot of women who admire clear complexions and hence used this cream religiously to look her best on her wedding day. However, she ended up with a burnt face.

According to Dr. Khurshid H.Alvi, a dermatologist "Women come to us only upon reaching such extreme stages. The contents of the products used to make this cream are quite hazardous with betamathasone, a topical corticosteroid, being the deadliest. Being a corticosteroid hormone, it reduces symptoms such as swelling and allergic-type reactions and should not be used for more than four days, and that too under a doctor's supervision. However, with prolonged use of betamethasone, there is a high probability of systemic absorption of corticosteroids which, in turn, can result in skin atrophy (thinning of the skin), appearance of facial spider veins around the eyes, nose and cheeks (a condition called Telangiectasia), as well as a decrease in the production of collagen in the skin tissues due to which the skin loses its suppleness. Other side effects include outbreak of acne or rosacea with redness, bumps and pus-filled pimples and dryness of the skin. Therefore, long term use of this medicine should be avoided whenever possible."

The use of steroids for a long time causes the skin to become soft and thin, which increases the skin's absorptive capability and the contents of the formula cream are absorbed faster. Hence, the bleaching and fairness properties of the formula cream tend to be more effective, and it, consequently, gives off a radiant skin tone.

The cuticle layer of the human skin acts as a barrier and plays an instrumental role in protecting the skin against foreign agents, harsh environment and bacterial infections. Unfortunately, prolonged application of the formula cream destroys the cuticle layer, thereby, decreasing the skin's immune response against harmful substances.

White is certainly beautiful, but getting it at the cost of your health is definitely not worth it! The formula cream can surely make you a potential catch for your future husband and in-laws but what's the point of having a skin which is ugly from within? So, the next time you overhear a lady talking about the wonders of the miraculous formula cream, burst their bubble and reveal the facts.

The original article was published here.