From dating to courtship: The musings of a newly-engaged

By Ayesha Ahmed

With so many single, aging women in our surroundings, lately, and the increasing number of young, potential prospects changing their status to ‘committed’ by the day, any lady, who is newly engaged/married, is bound to feel like she is among the angels. 

And, trust me, she certainly deserves to feel so –cue, talk to some of the single women in your circle about their rishta ordeals to know the reason behind this shallow verdict.

Regardless of how much we deny, the fact prevails that our culture has always disliked women who are not supported by men; first it is our fathers and brothers and as soon as we hit the twenties, the so-called prince charming is consigned our fate. 

And if a girl has the audacity to stay single, piercing comments like Haan bhaie koi lerka werka dhoondha kay nahi (So, did you manage to find yourself a catch as yet or not) and/or shadi ker lo iss se pehle k umr nikul jaye (get hitched before you cross that particular age) are incessantly hurled at the poor soul.

So, if a girl, especially in a patriarchal society, finds herself a partner before she turns thirty, she definitely should consider herself lucky (and luckier if that happens by the time she reaches her mid or early twenties). 

However, little do we know about the feelings of the being who ‘we think’ is on cloud nine, is usually all decked up, is almost always under the spotlight and is looked upon with envy by most of her unmarried friends, peers and relatives alike.

Listed below are a few tormenting situations that an apparently blessed maiden has to experience, as quoted by a newly engaged:

First and foremost, if you ever thought that impressing your immediate in-laws would suffice, then you are, sadly, in for a big disappointment! It is substantial that you ‘act’ in a certain way, think (thousand times) before you speak (no, staying quiet isn’t an option) and do things that make a positive impact, not only on your man’s parents and siblings, but also on his grandparents, aunts, uncles and the infinite number of cousins. So, besides giving frequent cheesy grins, you will have to ensure that you keep exchanging kisses/hugs, pass fake compliments and be inviting enough for the adolescent girls to mingle with you and talk about their preposterous teenage issues, which you were glad to have left behind.

Having mixed feelings about what your demigod’s family thinks of you? Dying to deduce if you were able enough to meet their expectations? Log into Facebook the moment you leave the party at your in-laws. Find your account bombarded with friend’s requests that all have your fiancé as a mutual friend? Brava! You have qualified being the ideal candidate for the slot with countless contenders. In this era of technology, social media has taken the world by storm and be it a 70-year-old father-in-law or a 9-year-old cousin-in-law, anybody and everybody is on Facebook. So, now that you have portrayed yourself as an uber sweet lady, there is no other option but to confirm all those friend requests, whether you like them or not or you have met them in person or not. 
P.S. Nothing would be more offending than keeping your account private.

Despite living in the 21^st century, there still exist a great number of families who believe their honour lies in making their offspring do medicine, engineering or law. And children usually oblige; so what if a girl, decides to sit at home idle, beautifying herself, after studying medicine! Her folks would popularise her as a doctor, nonetheless. 
However, if you, unfortunately, belong to the lot of those deviants who pursued a career within the field of liberal arts, and not pure sciences, then be prepared to have ridiculous questions thrust in your face all the time. For instance, “Mass communication? woh kya hota hai? Something related to telephones?” 
“Oh, so you studied Mass Communication because you wanted to read news on TV?” As if! So, in order to prove your mettle, being a Social Sciences/Arts graduate, get employed in a well-known organisation. Trust me, your in-laws will never stop bragging about where their bahu works!

Every woman has her own unique approach, in terms of fashion and style. Some like keeping their hair short and adorning themselves with dainty, silver jewelries while others love stuffing their wardrobe with everything pink, orange and green. 
Dismally, once you get engaged/married, you have to let go of your fashion sense, which your friends/peers thought was exquisite, and follow trends your mother-in-law/sister-in-law/husband fancies. 
Abhor those neon-colored, chiffon joras with a lot of intricate embroideries, sequins, chamak dhamak and what not on them? Too bad, because you can’t wear anything but only that on the first day of Eid! 
Never has a day gone when you haven’t straightened your hair to flaunt those funky bangs? Sigh, you need not do that anymore because it’s important that your entire face, along with that huge alien-like forehead you have always detested, is visible to your audience.

But dear committed ladies, don’t lose your heart just yet because good relationships, especially like marriage, have a lot more to them than these petty, nitty-gritties, not to mention those resplendent presents you will get on every other random occasion. 
All things considered, no one can put it more succinctly than Nicholas Sparks: “So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” 

The edited version appeared here.